


Men & Women

by julie-yard (teh_jules)



Category: Southland
Genre: Dildos, F/M, Horny Lydia, Interracial Relationship, Masturbation, Pining, Pining Russ, Porn, Porn with Feelings, Set end of season 3, Sex Toys, angsty, beginning season 4
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-30
Updated: 2017-04-04
Packaged: 2018-10-13 01:44:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10503852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/teh_jules/pseuds/julie-yard
Summary: It's normal. Everyone does it.





	1. Men's Guilty Pleasure

**Author's Note:**

> This little thing is set after Russ' betrayal. It only skims the topic. All of this is really just a sorry excuse to write angsty masturbation porn. 
> 
> Lydia's part will follow tomorrow.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Russ' watches porn.

 It was  just  one click to many.

  

One moment he was looking at some generic brunette bouncing on some dudes dick, the next moment an add caught his eyes  . He watched as a black women licked her ruby red lips  languidly.

The woman looked right into the camera. And even though she looked nothing like _her_ , he saw a very different set of eyes looking back at him. Russell felt some sort of electric sting going right down to his cock.

 

He was still holding onto his cock, his grip  agonizingly  hard. Pre-cum was leaking all over his hand.

   


It was like the first time he had watched porn: The thrill of the forbidden, the knowledge that this kind of breached a line . Mixed with guilt and something else; a longing for something that he couldn't put into words.

   


He couldn't  just  close this window. He was too far gone. Why stop now? He did what he  was intended  to do. He clicked the add. He _was_ a horny man after all.

   


It wasn't as if he didn't knew about that kind of porn, but it had been easier to _not_ go there. To keep as far away from it as possible because... _Yeah, because?_

   


 _You know_ , his brain complied. _Don't play dumb._

   


 His eyes scanned the page, the clips, the description. It was as if he was looking for something. When he found it, his heart hammered. Another click.

   


She was wearing less make-up than the other women. Something around her eyes and some lip-gloss of some sort. No fake nails, no fake hair, no fake tits as far as he could tell. She wore her hair braided into box braids that kept falling forwards over her shoulders.

   


(He had seen a picture of Lydia during middle school wearing her hair quite similar. It had suited her. She had scoffed as he had commented on it.)

   


The actress was a natural beauty. She was the closest he would ever get. Excitement glowed in his belly like an ember.

   


He leaned back in his chair and let out a breath of air. His cock demanded attention. It throbbed and throbbed. He denied himself a few moments longer.

   


The scene started without any setting. There was no dialogue, no soft kissing, no exploring. Somehow he missed it, even though he always skipped it when he usually watched porn.

   


 _Don't over-think it._

   


So they were fucking.  There was a dick, similar to his own, positioning himself between her plumb pussy-lips and sliding right home  . The view made him grit his teeth, it was almost too much. And that was good.  Really  good.

   


Gripping his dick again his hand started working himself. First slow, as if he wasn't sure about this. Then she slid forward onto the bed, swiveled her hips while she crawled forward. Her pussy was on perfect display. When she turned around and looked at the camera he gave a groan and picked up the pace.

 

A moment later the guy was on top of her, spreading her shapely legs even wider and entering her in an agonizing slow thrust. Her moans of pleasure resonated through the room.  The wet sounds of their bodies slapping against each other in animalistic passion were getting louder .

   


It was so easy to get lost.  He wasn't watching some cheap porn with an actress that almost resembled his former partner anymore . He was watching _Lydia_. She was right here, lowering herself onto his rigid cock. He would see, hear and smell her. And she would let him do this to her even though he... _Don't go there now._

   


It was painful how much he missed her. Even now, through his lust-filled haze he could still feel the stab. It was frustrating how much it still hurt.

   


If he would be more coherent he would think something along the lines that he tried holding onto something that was already lost to him . That he missed his friends company. Her smile. Her witty humour.

   


Man, he missed her, period. But when did this happen? When did he start thinking about her like that? When...?

  


 _Don't go there now. Not now._

   


She would be a merciless tease, he knew. Her sly smile would drive him crazy.

   


Russell's eyes fell shut. His brain didn't need much more. Now he provided the pictures for himself.

   


Dream-Lydia leaned forward and all thinking came to a screeching halt when her tits bounced forward  . She put her hands on his chest and started sliding up and down. She had such nice tits he thought  dreamily . He'd always thought so. How could he not notice how round and perfect they were when she was wearing those damned tight t-shirts? Yes, he did notice.

   


How would her nipples look? He imagened the areolas to be big and dark, with a perfect tip in the middle. Fantasies of how he would suck them into his mouth until they hardened, flew through his head. He bit his lips instead. A poor substitute.

   


It was so hard to hold back now. Heat was cursing through him. His balls were drawing upwards, feeling heavy. Not long anymore. It was the typical tunnel-like sensation of loosing control. It sucked him in and he spiraled right into bliss.

   


He fucked his hand in earnest now. He was close, so damn close.

 

He just needed...

  


The way she said his name.

 

Dream-Lydia raked her fingers through his hair, holding onto his neck while rocking her hips back and fourth . She would feel so good on his cock.

 

 _'That's it, Russ.'_ Her voice was hoarse and seductive. _'It's ok, baby. I missed you, too.'_

  


The rush of his orgasm felt like falling into water. All-consuming and like a punch to the stomach. Semen shot over his hands. He took a deep breath.

  


Boneless he let his head fall back. Opened his eyes. Of course there wasn't anyone but himself. Still feeling buzzed, he  abruptly  realized how empty this was.

  


Vowing to himself to not watch porn with black women again, not to think about Lydia like this, he slid into his too big bed and fell asleep.

  


He needed to get laid. He needed a girlfriend. He needed to get over _her_. As a friend. As a partner. As the woman that had put up with his bullshit way too long but had always called him out on it. As the woman he-- what?

  


The next morning Russell acted as if it never happened. It was easy to lie to himself. Easy to get back on the dating train. Easy to find a nice looking woman he could play with. She looked a bit like Dina. His usual type.

  


She _was_ nice.  Really  . She always said the best things. She never made a fuss. She was always easy, as if afraid he would leave her and never look back. He dated her. And tried to forget.

  


But the next time he opened up his favorite porn site his recently watched clips reminded him. He was back to square one .

  


Back at the start.

  


Back to Lydia.

  


Who was he kidding?

  

He'd never really left.


	2. Women's Darkest Desire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lydia fucks it out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this took a bit longer and I still don't know if I really like how it turned out. It's longer than Russ' part because I feel that there is more on Lydias plate to consider, even if it's 'just' a story about masturbation. 
> 
> For Ochoa's gift... She seemed to me like the type of woman who would do something petty like that.
> 
> I haven't watched season 4 yet, so if there are any mistakes timewise please tell me. I am always grateful for concrit :)

Lydia looked down at the packaging. Her features were carefully controlled. She wouldn't give Ochoa the satisfaction of throwing a tantrum right here. 

 

The other woman came over and leaned against her partners desk. With a sly grin she glanced down at her little surprise. 

 

"This is all you're going to get from now on." Her eyes were cold. 

 

Lydia ground her teeth together. But her silence seemed enough of a gratification for Ochoa. 

 

Lydia looked down at it again. 

 

She grabbed the box, forced herself to look at the thing and nodded. 

 

"Thank you. That's very thoughtful of you." 

 

Than she grabbed her keys, her purse, stuffed the box inside and pivoted on her heel. The next morning the desk beside her's was empty again. 

 

***

 

She put the thing in her bottom drawer and forgot about it while she was still seeing Rodrigo. Or at least she  _ tried  _ to. She knew that it was there though. The thought of it sitting in her nightstand made her uncomfortable sometimes. She  _ could  _ throw it away, right? Right, she could.

But she didn’t.

 

It wasn’t that she was a prude. She  _ had  _ sex toys. Just not one quite like  _ this _ . Not like one of those fake plastic penises with a bulbous head and ridges and  _ veins  _ that looked too fake and too real all at once.

 

Lydia had her trusty Rabbit. Orgasm guaranteed.

 

On a long, hard day she took a shower and after one or two glasses of wine she let herself relax. She unwound herself and came in a hard implosion of clenching muscles and clamped teeth. It was easy to slip into mindless sleep after that.

 

It was a day like that when she came home and sat listless on her bed. She thought about her day. The reason why she had been so bad-tempered all day. 

 

Ruben was a good partner. He really was. Not like Ochoa, who had been bat-shit crazy. Not like Cordero, who had cut himself loose after realizing that she really wasn’t what he’d made her out to be. Suarez had been ok, but he’d ultimately went back to narcotics. 

 

But Ruben was good. And even though she knew it rationally she had those odd moments when she said something and expected  _ Russell  _ to give a sarcastic remark.

 

Then she turned to her right, where he would’ve stood and expected to see him. But he wasn’t there. 

 

They hadn’t had any contact since… She shook her head. Just thinking about it made her angry and sad. It was almost half a year and she still couldn't let go. 

 

Today she’d smelled his cologne. Of course it had just been a passersby or a colleague. But still. There it was: notes of amber, musk and something that reminded her of black tea. Who put something like that in a parfum anyway? 

 

She had been on edge ever since. She'd been too hard on everyone, to snappy, too bad-tempered. Poor Ruben had gotten the full force of her foul mood. Instead of a goodbye he said he hoped that she was out of her funk in the morning.

 

She still knew so many little things about Russ. She'd tried to forget about all of it, but on some days some of those just popped up unasked. 

 

_ What I need is a good pounding.  _

 

Her mind provided pictures of her last time with Ochoa's son, Rodrigo. He certainly was a sight to behold. And it had been fun while it lasted. A distraction from all of the heavy stuff that weighted down her mind. 

 

She wasn't even pretending not to know what she was doing. Getting the box and some lube out, she ripped the packaging open and got the dildo out. It had a good 8 inch on it, with a suction cup at the bottom. 

 

She held it in her hand, looked it up and down. Her decision was made. Why not? She asked herself. Why not use Ochoa's present when she would've called her son? Regular sex had been a good way to get her mind back on track. A bit of self-loving would do the trick too. 

 

Their short fling had run it's course. Ultimately Ochoa had won. Of course she did. Rodrigo couldn't go against his mother. The thought of her not approving of them seeing each other had been hard on him. Lydia had taken what she could. For once not caring about what would happen afterwards. 

 

She sighed and thought about going to the bathroom to take a shower, attaching the toy to the wall and fucking herself as fast or slow as she needed it.

 

But even though that sounded good, she didn't move. No, the bed would do just nicely. 

 

Lydia stripped naked. The air was cool, but not uncomfortable so. It was rather liberating to just lay down on her bed like this. She planted her feet on the mattress. Her sex opened up, the cool air kissed the hotness between her legs. 

 

It wasn't her usual style, but she needed release. She needed to feel something  _ different  _ than the frustration that had been nagging at her all day. 

 

She needed more than the loneliness, more than the respect she had earned herself all her life. She  _ was  _ a woman after all. 

 

Lydia wanted to feel wanted. She wanted to be adored. She wanted a man in her life that wouldn't betray her and leave her with emotional scars and trust issues so vast that she wasn't able to let herself give her control up. It had been bad after Terrell, but after Russell-- 

 

_ How do you get over someone that you didn't even date?  _

 

He'd been just her partner for god's sake but he totally fucked her in a way she didn't appreciate. And why exactly did she use  _ that  _ word to describe what he'd done to her? He  _ betrayed  _ her and even  _ that  _ implied something she wasn't comfortable with. 

 

_ Forget everything. Just get off.  _

 

Grabbing the lube she unscrewed the top and squirted the clear substance onto the toy. She spread it evenly until it was nice and slippery, positioned the toy against her opening. 

 

Usually Lydia liked foreplay. She was all into touching and exploring, even when it was only her, just not today. 

 

She closed her eyes. The head pressed deliciously against her, she rubbed it against herself. Just that simple touch made her crave the fullness of it. The lube was cold, but it just made her more aware were the toy lay against her body. 

 

Spreading her legs a bit wider she slid her hips forward and pushed. She could feel her body opening up, trying to accommodate it's girth. It was  _ almost  _ uncomfortable; she didn't give her muscles the time they needed. But oh, she  _ needed  _ it.

 

It was like a fever that made her hot all over. A hunger that gnawed on her insides that she couldn't quench even if she tried.

 

It took her some time to get it all in. And then some more time until the burning sensation subsided. 

 

Letting her mind flow, not censoring her thoughts, she slipped into an easy fantasy of Rodrigo going down on her. He'd not been good in that regard, but he'd been enthusiastic and had given her the time she'd needed to cum. 

 

Easy and fun, that's what he'd been. Russ had always told her to just ease up and have some fun. And look were it gotten her. Horny and wet and frustrated. 

 

She bet  _ he  _ had his fun. He'd never had problems of finding someone. White woman seemed to be attracted to him by default. Come on, he wasn't  _ that  _ attractive.

 

Sure, he was charming when he wanted to be. Made her laugh till she snorted soda out of her nose. So they flirted sometimes, it never meant anything. But he never had been her type. Too white, too fancy, too easy-going, she thought. 

 

And she learned a long time ago that white men were intimidated by her. She was too much for them. Too brash, too bold and too black. They preferred their soft-spoken white girls with their good hair and their and high-pitched voices and fake laughter. 

 

Dina had been like that. Keren Campbell had been like that. 

 

Oh yeah, Russ had a type. And she wasn't it. Which was totally ok, because he was her partner and--

 

But that was it, right? He  _ wasn't _ her partner anymore. And why was she even thinking about this while trying to get herself off? Even imagined sex with a fling was better than getting off to angry thoughts about your former partner. 

 

Her pace was already too fast, she was sweating and clamping her teeth. Her brows were knitted together while her body seemed amped up, going for the release she needed. 

 

Impatient she pushed against the fake cock. Pushed her hips hard against it. She was actually fucking it out, wasn't she? She knew hate sex, make-up sex but this? What  _ was  _ this even? 

 

Turning over in bed she sat back on her heels. Positioning the dildo, she slid it in. Leaned forward, grabbed the sheets. She hissed and moaned. It was big and it filled her up so good. Would it feel like this if Russ would fuck her?

 

She halted only for a second, before lowering herself down again. 

 

_ He's not here _ , a voice whispered.  _ He'll never know. It's just a fantasy.  _

 

She reached down with her other hand and started rubbing her clit. Sparks lit up behind her closed eyes and made her forget reality and everything it entailed.

 

_ 'Let go, Lyd.' _ He wouldn't make fun of her in that moment. He would sound soothing, as if he knew how hard it was for her to let go of her precious control.  _ 'Let me take care of you.' _

 

She shuddered and pressed down harder. Her moaning was loud now. The wet sounds that filled up the room should've embarrassed her, but she was too far gone. Burying her face in the pillow now, she drove the toy in. This was exactly the right angle. Hitting her so deep that it was almost too much, but not quite. Her nerves were singed, her inner thigh muscles quivered now. So close. She was so close now. 

 

Fantasy-Russ would slide their bodies together, his chest against her back, his face on her neck. Skin to skin, so intimate it made her stomach flutter with something else. Then he would sneak an arm around her to support her weight, while quietly talking to her, all the while fucking her from behind. She could smell his damned cologne again. 

 

In her fantasy she asked him to make her cum. He did. Picking up the pace he gave her what she wanted, it would be hard and fast. Exactly what she needed now. His hand would slide between their bodies and stroke her engorged clit. 

 

Lydia felt herself orgasm. It was an all-compassing feeling that streamed through her. Made her mind go blank with relief. He fucked her through it, with slow thrusts. Her muscles cinched around his cock now. Over her pounding heart she could only make out parts of his incoherent babble. 

After finally collapsing on top of her, Fantasy-Russ kissed her neck and her shoulders. 

 

_ 'Missed you so much.' _

 

This was the moment when Lydia decided that enough was enough. A Sex Fantasy might be one thing, but imagining cuddling and kisses? No. 

 

She opened her eyes and pulled the fake penis out, letting it fall onto the mattress. 

 

At least she was feeling better now. Right? Right. 

 

Lydia stood up and looked down at the mess she'd made. While she changed the sheets she tried not to think. Tried not to think about why she just had a sex fantasy about her betraying asshole of an ex-partner. 

 

Even after all this time she still wasn't over it. The anger had subsided and nothing but the hurt was left now. 

 

It took her some time until sleep claimed her. 

 

In that last moment before sliding over into dreams she thought:  _ I do miss you, too.  _

 

 


End file.
